How to write a eulogy

Before you write anything, write down memories.

What made them laugh? What was their morning routine? What did they always say? What will you never forget?

The eulogy will come from these notes, not from trying to write a speech from scratch. Give yourself an hour just to remember, without worrying about what it will sound like.

You do not need to be a writer to give a good eulogy. A straightforward shape helps:

• Opening: who you are and your connection to the person.
• Two or three specific stories or memories. Specific beats general, every time.
• What they meant to you and to others.
• A closing: a favourite saying, a short poem, or a simple farewell.

Aim for 3 to 5 minutes, which is roughly 500 to 700 words. Reading it aloud at home will tell you if the length feels right.

Their full name and how you knew them. A specific memory that captures their character. Something that makes people smile. It is allowed. Funerals can hold laughter.

What they taught you, or what they left behind. You do not need to cover their whole life.

One true thing said well is better than ten things said flatly.

Print it in a large font: 18pt or bigger. You can read it even if your eyes blur. Bring two copies, and give one to a friend in case.

It is completely normal to cry. Pause, breathe, carry on. Nobody in that room wants anything other than for you to get through it in your own way.

If you cannot finish, someone else can step forward and read the last paragraph. Agree this with someone beforehand, so you are not making that decision in the moment.

If writing it feels impossible, ask someone who knew them to help. You can also speak to the officiant or funeral director. They help families with eulogies regularly.

Some families write it together, with each person contributing a paragraph. There is no wrong way to do this.

The only thing that matters is that it sounds like you, and that it honours them honestly.